i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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