Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
