he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
