Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
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