I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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