So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
