your room smells of hookers.
And success
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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