don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
