Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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