wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
