Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
