So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
