I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
