Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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