remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
