Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
