he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
