epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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