We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
