I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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