Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
If I had your ass I would rule the world
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
