how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
