Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
