If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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