should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
