Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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