is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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