As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
