I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
