Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
