I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
