What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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