if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
