so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
