Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
