Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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