i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
