did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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