So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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