Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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