Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I could have mohawked her pubes.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Randomize
