If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
