the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the day after is always just damage control
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
