New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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