nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
