My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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