Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
