i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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