I cannot find my penis.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
