tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
